Liam And Alina is a story idea that has been floating around in my head for a while now. Alina is gender-fluid, so she switches between genders. Some days she is a woman, Alina, and other days she is a man, Allen. Liam is a cisgender, pansexual man and Alina's husband. I thought it would be interesting to explore the dynamics of that kind of relationship and gender in general through the experiences of someone who lives in both ends of the gender spectrum at different times. I may write a fully drawn out story/novella for them at some point but for right now I am just writing little scenes for them based on one-word prompts. I'll be doing that for at least the rest of this month and I'll be posting what I write in a few batches. Here are the first eight entries. I hope you enjoy and come back to see the rest of the moments between these two characters. (Also, Happy Pride to all my fellow LGBT+ people.)
(Prompt: community)
"Alina, how do you define 'community'?"
"That's a random question, Liam."
"I have random thoughts."
"That you do. Well, I guess I'd define 'community' as belonging. It's a group of people who choose to be together. They support each other and build each other up. Community isn't perfect. It can be messy and even painful at times, but that isn't a bad thing as long as it is handled well. Community can be a source of strength and safety. Community is essential. No one wants to be alone. Not really. Everyone wants a place to belong, a place where they feel seen and valued. Community can provide that. Community is amazing, especially when you find the one that is best for you. Community is belonging and support. Community is a special sort of home."
(Prompt: love)
"Liam, do you ever wonder if your understanding of love is different from everyone else's?"
"You and I are on the same page about love, aren't we?"
"Ok, everyone except us."
"Hm, there are many types of love. Love of chocolate, love of family and friends, love of romantic partners...
"That last one has so many definitions. People claim to know what is and isn't love but I don't always agree with them. Some people act like love can only exist between a certain type of people and not others but that makes no sense to me. Love is a partnership and source of joy, how can someone decide that for you? How can someone decide that you aren't actually in love? They aren't you. And why judge or punish someone for finding love? It makes no sense to me."
"I know, Alina. Unfortunately some people will never make sense or understand love as we do. Pre-conceptions can be hard to overcome. But there are people who understand. There are other people who also view love as a life-giving partnership, regardless of what the couple looks like. Love is two people coming together to support and grow together, to enjoy and uplift each other. True love is beautiful and good, no matter who the partners are or what other people say about it. People sometimes turn love into something twisted and defiled but that's not the sort of love that we have. Our love is true and no one will ever change that. I will never let anyone defile or twist what we have. I am also proud of what we have. Anyone who accepts you as my wife but not as my husband doesn't understand love and is in no place to comment on our relationship."
"I'm so glad I have you. You are the best partner I could ask for. You aren't perfect, of course, but you are perfect for me."
"That's the goal. And right back at you, partner. I love you."
"I love you, too."
(Prompt: euphoria)
"So it's a husband day," Liam said when he noticed Ali's underwear as they were getting dressed.
"It is. Do you mind? I can change for date night tonight if you want."
"Don't you dare change on my account. I want you however you want to be. Don't ever forget that."
"Thank you, Liam."
"I'm serious. I always love Alina and Allen equally. I have only joy and no regrets regardless of which one I get to spend time with. All that matters is that you are happy and comfortable. Chase your euphoria and I will be by your side supporting you all the way."
"How am I so lucky to have you as my husband? Thank you. It can still be hard at times to be Allen. Old thoughts and habits die hard. But I do love being him. Being viewed as a man on Allen days fills me with so much joy. Euphoria is the best feeling in the world. Thank you for helping and encouraging me to chase mine."
"Any time, Al. It's my pleasure. And if you want to be the alpha male today, just let me know."
"Is that a general offer or a hint that you want to be the submissive one today?"
"Hm. What do you think?"
"Alright, I'll be the alpha today."
"I look forward to it, my lord."
"Now come on, we need to get dressed and get the day started."
"Yes sir."
"Looks like it is going to be a bright and sunny day today."
"I assume you mean it is going to be a euphoric day because it is definitely pouring rain outside right now."
Allen smiled and kissed his husband.
(Prompt: progress)
"I'm sorry about my parents, Al. You even dressed extra feminine just for them. I thought we were making progress but it seems they are still stubornly close-minded."
"There has been progress, Liam. They didn't lecture us the whole time. Your dad didn't even glare at me."
"Because he was ignoring you and pretending that you don't exist. Sometimes I almost wish I was gay because then my parents would just cut ties with me instead of pretending that only the straight aspect of my pansexuality exists."
"Don't say that. They aren't supportive but they are still your family and there is still a chance that they may accept us eventually."
"I know. You're right. It's just hard when it feels like no progress is being made. I just want us all to get along."
"Me too. There is still a chance. Progress is being made. The steps are small but even small steps can lead to big changes. Don't give up. There is still hope."
"Thank you, Ali. Your support and positivity mean so much to me. And thank you for putting in so much effort to get along with my parents. I know it's not easy."
"I don't mind. A little effort on my part is worth making progress with your parents and making things easier on you."
(Prompt: acceptance)
"What's that smile about, Ali?"
"I was just thinking about when I came out to you. You were the first person I told that I am gender-fluid. I was so scared to tell anyone that I held it in for months. I didn't know how people would respond, if they would accept me anymore or if they would all abandon me. I was scared of being mistreated or treated like a monster. I could practically hear people saying how twisted I was or trying to 'help' me change back. I hated it and feared it coming true, so I kept quiet. But I couldn't do that forever. I had to tell someone. I wanted to tell you. You were both the easiest and the scariest person to tell. We had been dating for a while and I trusted that you would treat me well but I was also afraid of you leaving me or treating me differently. My one hope was simply that you wouldn't leave or be angry with me, but you went beyond that and accepted me with open arms. You didn't question me, you celebrated. You smiled so brightly at me. You were excited to meet the side of me that I hadn't yet shown to anyone else. It was amazing. I didn't have to change or regulate myself, you just accepted me as I am. That's the best and truest form of acceptance. Unconditional, understanding, compassionate, and open-minded. Acceptance with no strings attached. Thank you, Liam. You helped me find the confidence to be who I truly am."
"I'm glad I could help. You are a blessing to the world and some of that blessing would be lost if you weren't allowed to be your full self. Acceptance is a means of mutual blessing that should never be sacrificed to fear or prejudice."
(Prompt: belonging)
Belonging is an interesting thing. I took it for granted for a long time. It seemed like belonging was almost a given and that once you had it, it couldn't be taken away. But I was wrong. Things changed and suddenly the belonging I had for years was taken away in both subtle suggestions and direct confrontations.
Realizing and embracing that I am pansexual was one of the best things that has happened in my life. But also one of the most painful and unsettling things too. Communities that I had grown up in and that felt like a second home suddenly felt like a foggy battlefield. I didn't know who my enemies and allies were. The uncertainty left me on edge, ready for an attack at any moment. I didn't feel safe anymore. I no longer felt loved or wanted. At best I felt like an inconsiderate inconvenience.
I tried to hold out. I tried to find the silver lining. But I couldn't do it. I felt empty and alone in a place that had felt like home and family. It hurt so much. I still grieve the loss of what I once had. But I can never go back. Too much has changed. As sad as it is, I must move forward and find a new place where I belong. Somewhere that I don't have to fight for existence or always be on guard. Somewhere that I can just be me. Somewhere that I belong.
Everyone needs and deserves at least one place where they can find belonging. I learned that lesson by having belonging stripped away from me. It is cruel and something no person deserves. Find a place where you belong. Seeking belonging is not weakness or selfishness, it is a form of strength, compassion, and self-love. Saying goodbye to pass communities can be hard but moving on to a place that provides true belonging is worth it.
(Prompt: joy | I'll be honest, I don't know if Liam or Alina is speaking here... Either works.)
I love Pride flags. I find them to be such bright signs of hope and joy. They are easy to see banners of belonging. They are a way to see and be seen. When you feel lost and alone they give you something to hold on to, a reminder that there are other people like you. They are a comfort, a reminder that it is alright to be yourself. There is such joy in that. At least I think so. Trying to figure out your identity on your own can be scary and lonely. Even after finding my identity I felt so much uncertainty. Then I got my first Pride flag. It seemed like such a small thing when I ordered it but when I opened the package and saw the bright colors I was instantly filled with so much joy. Sure, the struggles and uncertainties were still there but at the same time I had such joy and happiness. I still smile whenever I see a Pride flag. Even during hardships and fights for survival there is hope and belonging. The darkness is not everything. There are always victories and people thriving. There are always people on your side who will love you and support you. Even in the hardships there is joy.
(Prompt: family)
"'When are you going to start a family?'. As if I haven't already. Gah a family doesn't need babies to exist!"
"I guess someone said something to you?"
Alina nodded as she slumped onto the sofa next to Liam.
"You're right, Ali. We don't need kids to be a family."
"I just wish that other people wouldn't act like you do. I'm so tired of people acting like I am an alien because I don't want to have kids."
"There is nothing wrong with you, sweetheart. They just see the world in a different way. But I do agree that they should stop being so inconsiderate with their assumptions. We are a family and we don't need anyone else involved to make that true. We are as much a family as anyone with kids is."
"It's just hard knowing that there are so many people who think I am broken because I have a female body but don't want to use it for reproduction."
"I know it's hard but try not to listen to them. Most of them don't know what they are saying."
"Thank you for taking such good care of me, Liam. After my last breakup I was worried that no one would want me because I don't want to get pregnant. But you accepted that part of me like it was nothing."
"It is nothing to me. You are worth so much more than your ability to reproduce."
"You are also so good at tending to my emotional scars and helping them heal."
"Anything for you, my queen. We are family after all, so of course I am going to take care of you and do all I can to protect you and your happiness."
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