(Prompt: Identity)
[Context: early in Alina's exploration of gender]
"Alina? What's wrong?"
"Nothing. I'm fine."
"You've been crying. Please tell me what's wrong."
"... I just... I... I don't know who I am..."
"What do you mean?"
"I've been learning about concepts of gender as a spectrum instead of a binary and it was resonating with me. I thought things were starting to make sense about my experience of myself and the world. But then I talked to my friend about it. I thought she would be happy and supportive but as soon as I brought up LGBT+ topics she turned on me. It felt like a switch was flipped. It was like she muted me and just lectured at me without considering me at all. I've never felt that way with her before. She was one of the people I trusted most. I thought she cared about me but apparently I crossed a line by considering gender identities beyond 'man' and 'woman'. I thought I was starting to find myself but now I feel like a monster. I thought I was on the right path but now I feel even more lost than before. Who am I? What is my identity? I thought I knew but if she rejected me then am I wrong?"
"Oh darling. Your identity is yours not hers. I know that may be hard to hear, I know how much you respect her, but clearly she is wrong in this situation. You are wonderful and good no matter what gender identity you have. Don't sacrifice your identity and wellbeing for someone who doesn't want to give you a chance. You are worth more than that. You are amazing and wonderful as the true you, whatever that may be. Don't be afraid of your identity. Some people won't like it but that's fine. What matters is that you like it and that it is true to you. And remember, no matter what your identity is or how it evolves, I will always be here by your side loving and supporting you. Your core identity never changes and I love it so much. Change the outer layers of your identity as much as you want, your core identity will never change and I will never leave you."
(Prompt: Transformation)
"Alina, I got a little something for you."
"Really? Why?"
"No reason I guess. I just saw this necklace and thought you might like it."
"A rainbow butterfly. It is pretty."
"I'm kind of surprised I haven't seen more rainbow butterfly things. So many queer stories are stories of tranformation."
"That's true. So many queer people grow up thinking they are cis-het and then, like a caterpillar to a butterfly, they go through a transformation process to find their true self. Each stage of the transformation is good and important in its season. A caterpillar is not worth less than a butterfly, but a caterpillar has a season and should not stop transformation when the time for transformation comes."
"I'm glad you didn't stop your transformation. You are a beautiful butterfly."
(Prompt: Passion)
"Do you ever feel like people are afraid of passion? It makes no sense to me. Why cage passion? Enjoying your passion can be so lifegiving and can create so many beautiful things for other people to enjoy as well. How did passion become a dirty word?"
"Unfortunately it is probably tied to sex repulsion. Passion means more than just passionate love-making but people like excuses to condemn things I guess."
"Love can be passionate but so can so many other things. You can have a passion for anything. Honestly, I think I prefer people who are passionate about something over people who aren't passionate about anything."
I agree. I do love how passionate you are, Liam."
"Passions are great and I will never be ashamed of them."
(Prompt: Freedom)
"You know what one of my favorite things about being with you is?"
"How handsome I am?"
"Liam," Alina laughed. "I do like that part but I was referring to the freedom you give me."
"Freedom?"
"The freedom to be myself without fear. I've always felt so safe and loved with you that it's given me the freedom to explore myself and my interests. I didn't have that before. I was worried about how other people would respond to me changing or trying new things. But you promised that you would never leave me and you encouraged me to explore. The freedom of security and acceptance is a powerful thing. Thank you for giving me that freedom. My life is so much better for it. I'm so happy that I get to be myself without fear."
(Prompt: Self-love)
"It's interesting how everyone seems to think I'm a self-love master."
"It's not surprising considering how confident you generally are, Liam."
"I guess but I've definitely not mastered self-love. I still struggle with it at times and I didn't always feel self-love. I struggled to even like myself for the longest time. I was constantly comparing myself to other people and to vague social ideas and ideals. It was rough. Discovering that I am pan made it even worse for a bit. I was closer to self-hate than self-love. It took me a long time to accept myself again. I had to learn to not listen to all the negative voices around me and listen to my own voice instead. Easier said than done of course. Worth it though. Self-love is a fight but the reward is so worth it. I am so much happier now. And I have you. We might not have even met if I didn't love myself enough to be myself."
"Self-love is powerful. It also spreads. You helped me learn self-love and others too I'm sure."
"Self-love is a beautiful and important thing. It's sad that people and society often encourage self-hate. The world needs more self-love to overcome all the hate and negativity. Self-love is the best option for everyone."
(Prompt: Validation)
[Context: one of the first times Alina tried taking on a male role/identity with Liam]
"How was that?" Liam asked as they lay in bed.
"That was great. Thank you for doing that with me."
"Anytime, my lord."
"Was it alright for you? Not too weird or uncomfortable?"
"Not at all. I always enjoy my time with you. And it's not like my pan self doesn't like being with men."
"Thank you. Tonight was validating. I know it wasn't much different than normal but having you talk to me and treat me like a man felt nice."
"I liked it too. You make an excellent husband."
"So... Can we do it again sometime?"
"Anytime you want. Husband, wife, whatever form you take I will embrace you. Literally and figuratively."
"Thank you. I'm glad I can find validation with you."
(Prompt: Worth)
"It's so sad when people can't see their own worth. Everyone has worth no matter who they are. Worth isn't something you have to earn or be good enough for, you just have to be."
"That's the way it should be at least. Unfortunately too often people and society say differently. Success and recognition are put on such high pedestals that they seem like the ideal and the meaning of worth. But they aren't. Everyone's worth is uniquely theirs and comes in a variety of forms. Everyone has something to offer that only they can and that's enough. A person's worth should come from the fact that they are a person and not from how they rank against other people."
(Prompt: Personality)
"It feels like people are trying to erase personality. Don't they realize that being queer is part of who you are? Do they really want everyone to look and be the same? How lame and boring. It's tragic. There are so many wonderful and unique paintings that are being erased and painted over in dull, solid colors."
"Paintings? I think you lost me this time Alina. Sorry."
"Each person is a painting. You start with a blank canvas when you are born and as you grow you paint a picture that represents you. In an ideal world each painting would be unique, a vibrant representation of the individual's personality. But too often people are forced to limit their pallets or parts of their painting are covered up to make other people happy. I wish people didn't feel the need to sacrifice their personality because of other people."
"It is tough when we are facing attacks on people's personality but the attackers either don't see it that way or don't care. At least you and I are lucky enough to be able to paint our pictures the way we want."
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